ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
