Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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