It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Randomize
