remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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