I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
