kristin has been a bad kristin
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
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