I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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