So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
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I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
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I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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