So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Just high enough for therapy.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
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