Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
