this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Randomize
