you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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