he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize