I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize