I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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