Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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