So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
