yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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