i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
