It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
Randomize
