Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Randomize
