Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
