I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
