I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
only you would photoshop your dick
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
