you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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