I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
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the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
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Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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