That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
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It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
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I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
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