dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
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