you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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