To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize