reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Oh god it's open bar.
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