My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
