dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
