he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
