It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
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