remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
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