Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
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