First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
