So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
