Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
