dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
He passed out mid-signature
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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