Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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