I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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