I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
my liver is dry heaving
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
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