We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize
