He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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