You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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