I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
