so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
They should really pass out barf bags in church
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
