I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
