Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
