It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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