you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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