your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
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Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
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I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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