ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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