Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
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