it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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