I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
