u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Randomize
