WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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