rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
