can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Randomize
