I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
