she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
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