He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
