what ever happened to devon sawa?
fuck...who knows?
i'm really worried about him.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
