i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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