The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
